August 12th

I'm so thankful that the pnuemothorax healed so quickly.  Dr. McCollum told me to expect to be in the hospital 3 days, but after only 24 hours, my chest tube is out and my lung is staying inflated, so I am on my way home.  Thank God!  

With my new diagnosis of Lung Cancer my mind is reeling.  I have only really said the words out loud maybe twice so far.  They sound foreign, and not something that could really apply to me.  I'm only 53 years old, and things like that can't happen to me.  I've got a 2 year old grandson to watch grow up.  I can't have cancer.  Not me.  Sorry.  It's not true.

Everyone keeps asking me if I'm okay.  I'm SO tired of being asked that! I don't KNOW if I'm OKAY! I don't know how I am! And then I feel bad for being angry at them for asking! All my feelings right now are just a jumbled up mess.  I will NOT cry.  I will not give this stupid cancer the benefit of weakening me to tears.  Every time I feel them coming, I fight them back.  It's going to be a long fight. *sigh*  I'm an emotional mess.